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How to Be a Viking
Please do not confuse with ''How to Be a Pirate or How to Train Your Viking, both real books.'' How to Be a Viking is my version of what the ninth book in the How to Train Your Dragon series could be like. The sort of idea is that in How to Be a Pirate, Gobber said it was 4 years on the Pirate Training Programme until they were truly Vikings. Now four years is over, and it's the final initiation for Hiccup, Fishlegs, Snotlout, Dogsbreath and even Camicazi. Will they become Hooligans (or Bog-Burglars), or will they fail, and suffer exile? And with the dragon rebellion coming, as Furious promised, can the Vikings of the Archipelago survive? Do they need a new leader, perhaps one that can unite the tribes? Find out, in my fanfiction. By Toothless99 =Story= Chapter 1 - Swordfighting-at-Sea (Advanced) Hiccup had been feeling sick all morning. He normally felt sick when he was beginning another day on the Pirate Training Programme, but today, he felt sick more than usual. He was pretty sure he knew why - today was his last day on the Pirate Training Programme, before the final initiation, after which they could call themselves failures or true vikings. His friend, Fishlegs, wasn't feeling any better. He was even worse at the Pirate Training Programme than Hiccup; he had a squint, limp, and an allergy to reptiles. His dragon, Horrorcow, was, not unusually, fast asleep on his shoulder. Hiccup's dragon, Toothless, was a whole lot less sleepy this morning. He was moaning as much as ever, though. "T-t-toothless hungry. Toothless c-c-cold. Toothless wanna g-g-go h-h-home. TOOTHLESS H-H-HUNGRY!" he was screaming in Dragonese.* "Not a good time, Toothless," Hiccup said, trying to be patient. It is NEVER a good time to be hungry when you are on a ship, which is on a stormy sea, and about to take part in a Swordfighting-At-Sea-(Advanced) lesson. It was, indeed, rather stormy today, and the ship was soaked through with the spray from waves. So was Hiccup, Fishlegs, Toothless and Horrorcow. And so were the eight other boys on the Pirate Training Programme. "This is where the useless will finally show how USELESS he really is," Snotface Snotlout was boasting. 'The Useless' was what he called Hiccup. Snotlout had always been a sworn enemy to Hiccup, who was son of the chief, Stoick the Vast. Snotlout was the son of Baggybum the Beerbelly, Stoick's younger brother, and therefore Hiccup's cousin. And since Hiccup was the ONLY son of Stoick the Vast, that meant that Snotlout was next in line for chief. Because of this, Snotlout was constantly trying to get rid of Hiccup, but every time, when he was sure Hiccup was gone for good, he would turn up again, very much ALIVE. Snotlout's sidekick, Dogsbreath the Duhbrain, was also on the Training Programme. He was as tall as his father and could do amusing things like fart to the tune of the Berk National Anthem. In fact, out of all the boys, Hiccup seemed the least heroic. He had a freckled face that was entirely unmemorable, the sort of face that is easily overlooked in a crowd. He did have heroic hair, which was bright red and stuck up no matter what you did to it, but that was hidden beneath his helmet most of the time. So it is particularly surprising that Hiccup is, in fact, the hero of this story. But now, the leader of the Pirate Training Programme, Gobber the Belch, was beginning the session. He was a six-and-a-half foot tall lunatic, and a good friend of Stoick the Vast. He had taught most of the Hooligan warriors. "RIGHT, YOU DRIPPY LOT! GET IN LINE, YOU'RE LOUNGING ABOUT LIKE MAGGOTS! THIS IS A SWORDFIGHTING-AT-SEA LESSON, NOT A SIT-AT-HOME-ALL-DAY LESSON!" he was yelling. "S-s-sit at h-h-home all day s-s-seem good idea to T-t-toothless," Toothless mumbled. "AS YOU KNOW, THIS IS YOUR LAST DAY ON THE PIRATE TRAINING PROGRAMME, AND YOU NEED TO DO WELL! FOR OUR FIRST SWORDFIGHT I NOMINATE HICCUP HORRENDOUS HADDOCK THE THIRD! WHO WILL FIGHT HIM?" "Not the useless," groaned Snotlout. And though Hiccup was, admittedly, completely useless at most of the Pirate Training Programme, he was actually quite a good swordfighter, since he had learnt he was left-handed.** With no fear at all (though perhaps he should have felt some), Snotlout put up his hand and yelled, "I NOMINATE MYSELF TO FIGHT THE USELESS!" Great, thought Hiccup. Anyone but him would have been fine. Oh well, here we go... ---- *Dragonese was the language of dragons. Only Hiccup understood this fascinating dialect. **Please read How to Be a Pirate Chapter 2 - Why NOT to pick up an axe you're not supposed to pick up ﻿Meanwhile, over on the Bog-Burglar islands, Camicazi was coming to the end of her training for the final initiation. She was, at the moment, having a go at her favourite sport - swordfighting. Now, Hiccup never tells her this, because she is way too pleased with herself already, but she IS a very good swordfighter, and she constantly talks during a swordfight, which tends to drive the enemy insane. At the moment she was swordfighting Fatlegs, one of the other novices. Camicazi blocked Fatlegs' lunge, the expertly performed the Grimbeard's Grapple. Camicazi was the best swordfighter in the Bog-Burglar tribe, and the wooden sword made its target. As they started again, Camicazi started talking. "Come on, this is easy. I could do the piercing lunge," and she did, with Fatlegs only just dodging, "or the Grimbeard's Grapple," she did this slowly so that Fatlegs could dodge again, "any time I wanted, and you'd never notice. I mean, really, if this was real I could've killed you AGES ago..." Then she ducked between Fatlegs' legs, and ran for a table. She picked up an axe in her other hand, and used it to block Fatlegs' Flash-kick-with-thrust-thugummy. "Ooh, that's an advanced move," Camicazi teased, "I didn't think you knew that one..." Using the axe and the sword, she easily performed the fighting-superior-numbers-manoeuvre, despite the fact it was one-on-one. "But can you do this?" she asked. "But, Camicazi..." Fatlegs began Obviously, she didn't listen. "Ooh, can't you do it?" Camicazi teased, "Because I can." What she didn't know was that Fatlegs had tried to point out that, when she had picked up the axe, she had failed to realise it didn't have its WOODEN COVERING.* Oh dear. Unfortunately, her dragon, Stormfly, couldn't get close enough to tell Camicazi this either. Stormfly was a beautiful mood-dragon, stolen from Ug, Chief of the Ugli-thugs. This just demonstrated Camicazi's still at burglary - she was a Bog-Burglar after all. Camicazi found out she was wielding an unsheathed axe when Big-Boobied Bertha, her mother and the chief of the tribe, came past and saw her. "CAMICAZI, WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING WITH THAT AXE!" she yelled. For the first time, Camicazi looked up and realised it was unsheathed. Whoops, she thought. Grinning sheepishly, she returned the axe to its place on the table. "CAMICAZI YOU ARE GROUNDED UNTIL THE FINAL INITIATION," Big-Boobied Bertha yelled. Disappointed, Camicazi and Stormfly slunk into their house. ---- *All weapons on the Pirate Training Programme, be it on Berk or anywhere in the Barbaric Archipelago, were sheathed in wooden cases, so that there would be more LIVING pirates at the end of the programme. Chapter 3 - The fight with Snotface Snotlout ﻿Hiccup and Snotlout took their positions. Hiccup's sword, obviously, was in his left hand. Snotlout's sword was in his right hand, and pointing at Hiccup's heart. Like with Camicazi's sword, Hiccup and Snotlout's swords were covered in a wooden casing. P-A-A-A-R-R-P!!!!! Gobber blew the horn. Snotlout charged at Hiccup, excellently performing the Piercing Lunge, which Hiccup only just dodged in time. Hiccup then tried the Destroyer's Defence, but without the Yell, because Yelling was another thing he was no good at. Snotlout, who was, unfortunately, an equally good swordfighter, stepped nimbly out of the way, and Hiccup lost his balance. He only just ducked before Snotlout's blade came whistling over his head. But while he was close to the ground, Hiccup stabbed out Snotlout's leg. He scored a direct hit, but obviously, his sword was sheathed, so it didn't do much damage and Gobber didn't end the fight. Now, for those of you who don't know this, Hiccup was fighting with Grimbeard the Ghastly's second-best sword, Endeavour. What was so strange was that Hiccup knew about a prophecy* that said one of Grimbeard the Ghastly's heirs would become ruler of a new kingdom, and that this heir would wield his second-best sword. And since he WAS one of Grimbeard's heirs, could it REALLY be him? Or had Endeavour come into his possession by accident, and did the prophecy refer to someone else? Probably, was what Hiccup always thought, but he couldn't keep out the excitement that it might, just might be HIM. But he had other things on his mind now, as he parried another Piercing Lunge, quickly followed by a Grimbeard's Grapple. He was vaguely aware of Toothless shouting from the sidelines. "M-m-mash his brains. S-s-squash him! Squish him into an o-o-oyster and T-t-toothless have him f-f-for l-l-lunch!" "And how," said Hiccup in Dragonese, barely dodging another swipe, "am I supposed to do THAT?" He swung his sword round and caught Snotlout on the hip. He staggered unexpectedly, and Hiccup performed another Piercing Lunge, which knocked Snotlout to the floor. He tried to stand up, but Hiccup whacked his helmet with the wooden sword. "G-g-go M-m-master!" Toothless yelled. "HICCUP HORRENDOUS HADDOCK THE THIRD IS THE WINNER OF THIS SWORDFIGHT. NEXT UP, WHO WILL FIGHT CLUELESS?" Now, if we were to outline ALL the swordfights, this would be a VERY long story. And since we have done the important one, we shall move on, to after the swordfights. "RIGHT!" Gobber yelled, after all the swordfights were over. "NOW THAT WE HAVE COMPLETED THIS EXERCISE, WE ARE RETURNING TO BERK FOR A HERDING-REINDEER-ON-DRAGONBACK-LESSON. AND HICCUP, TRY TO CONTROL YOUR HUNTING DRAGON THIS TIME!" There had been several incidents before when Toothless had become over-excited, and scared all the reindeer away. Once, during a Herding-Sheep-On-Dragonback-Lesson, the sheep had ran into the toilets, which had stunk of sheep for weeks afterwards. With that, Gobber turned the boat round and they sailed for shore. ---- *Please read How to Break a Dragon's Heart to find out how Hiccup discovered the prophecy. Chapter 4 - Toothless is on limpet rations ﻿They arrived back in port without incident. Then, Gobber told the pupils to go and get their riding dragons for this lesson. Hiccup's riding dragon was a Windwalker with a limp. When they had first chosen their riding dragons, Hiccup had been given first choice, since he was son of the chief. He could have picked a large, muscly Devilish Dervish, like Snotlout's. But when he had seen the Windwalker, he had felt pity for it - he knew no-one else would choose it. And so that is how Hiccup came to be riding on the Windwalker today. They approached the reindeer herd silently, and Hiccup had told Toothless, very strictly, NOT to scare the reindeer, or he would be on limpet rations for free weeks. Limpets are a bit like worms, a bit like snot and a lot less tasty than either, so Hiccup hoped that would control Toothless today. AS they got closer, Gobber told the boys to fan out, to make sure no reindeer escaped. Then, very slowly, the boys and their dragons revealed themselves to the reindeer. And very slowly, they advanced. Meanwhile, Toothless was having a tough time resisting the urge to fly at them, screaming at the top of his lungs, so he turned away. But when he felt himself rise, as a result of Hiccup and the Windwalker revealing themselves, he couldn't help but look round and see what was happening. And he saw the reindeer. "Toothless, NO," Hiccup whispered through the corner of his mouth. But Toothless, salivating at the sight, didn't listen. He darted forward, cock-a-doodle-doo-ing as loud as he could. Hiccup caught Toothless' tail as he attempted to fly forward, but the damage had been done. Hearing Toothless, they started to panic, and them they bolted. While most of the boys chased after them, Hiccup, stayed behind and looked angrily at Toothless. "What did I tell you!!" he said furiously. "NO chasing the reindeer! And what do you do? Chase them, that's what! I warned you, and now I will put you on limpet rations for three weeks." "T-t-toothless s-s-sorry," Toothless said quietly. "But you're not, because you've done it LOADS of times, and you never learn! That's exactly why you're on limpet rations!" "B-b-but T-t-toothless no like l-l-limpets. T-t-toothless w-w-want oysters!" "Well, tough. If dragons are such Survivors*, three weeks of limpets won't hurt, will it?" "Well," said Toothless, considering, "D-d-dragons are s-s-survivors..." Sighing, Hiccup took the Windwalker back to the stables, and then returned to his house, with Toothless. Stoick was waiting inside. "How did you do, then?" "Well, I beat Snotlout at the swordfight-" "WELL DONE, SON! I KNEW YOU HAD IT IN YOU! JUST WAITING FOR IT TO COME OUT, WEREN'T WE!" "but Toothless scared all the reindeer AGAIN in the Herding-reindeer-on-Dragonback lesson," Hiccup finished. "Oh," said Stoick, realising that it hadn't been the perfect day after all. "Never mind, never mind, put that behind you, there's always tomorrow... wait a minute - there won't BE a tomorrow, will there?" "Nope, only the initiation," Hiccup said dryly. "Yes, it IS the initiation, isn't it," Stoick realised, as he was not the brightest of Vikings. ---- *Please read How to Train Your Dragon to study the subject in detail Chapter 5 - You need DRAGONS to start a DRAGON REBELLION The Seadragonus Giganticus Maximus landed, shaking the entire island. The dragon's name was Furious, and the island was the now-abandoned Berserk. With a sweep of his wing, Furious brushed away half of the forest, and revealed several Giant Bee-Eaters, and a lot of useless Scarers. Furious was hungry after his two-minute flight, and ate the entire population of Scarers in one go. Then, in Dragonese, he said to the Bee-Eaters: "I would like you to join my Dragon Rebellion, to wipe all vikings off the face of the Archipelago!" The Bee-Eaters would rather stay on Berserk eating bees, but when you are dealing with a fire-breathing, carnivorous, living mountain, there isn't much you can do to protest. So they grudgingly joined Furious' rebellion. Furious wasn't particularly happy with recruiting them either - Bee-Eaters were slow flyers and wouldn't be able to keep up, so he had to leave them on his back while he flew. It was irritating, but necessary if he was to bring around the dragon rebellion. When he recruited dragons like Monstrous Nightmares, they would be able to keep up. Furious was about to leave, when a Blue Whale swum past the island. Furious took the opportunity, and popped it into his mouth, whole. Then he unfurled his mighty wings, and took off across the seas-that-were-rather-small-to-a-Seadragonus-Giganticus-Maximus. He spent about half a minute flying over the Sea-known-as-Woden's-bathtub. Just seconds later, a brief shadow fell over Berk and the Meathead Islands. Seconds later, the shadow was gone, and Furious was hovering over the Isle of Skullions. It was here he landed, to recruit his next dragon species. Unfortunately, Skullions couldn't fly, meaning he would have to carry them on his back too. He regurgitated the last of the Blue Whale, to produce a smell to wake the Skullions. Skullions sleep-scratched when they were sleeping - they scraped their claws on stones to sharpen them. Soon after Furious regurgitated the whale, the uncomfortable noise of the sleep-scratching had stopped. Which meant the Skullions were awake. Any other creature would fear being on the Isle of Skullions while the Skullions were awake. Not a Seadragonus Giganticus Maximus. When you're the size of a mountain, can breathe fire, have teeth and claws, and skin 3-feet-thick-excluding-barnacle-armour, there's not much to be afraid of. The Skullions bounded out of their underground hollows, claws ready, and froze when the saw Furious. He said (in Dragonese, obviously): "Join my Dragon Rebellion, and we will annihilate the vikings and claim this land as ours!" Again, the Skullions would rather have stayed on their Island and eaten everything that came, but they couldn't argue (without getting eaten) and they liked killing anyway. So they agreed to come, and Furious took to the skies again, with an entire population of both Skullions and Giant Bee-Eaters on his back. Next stop was Lava-Lout Island, to recruit some Exterminators. Category:Fanfiction Category:Toothless99's fanon